And it's said that a stroke is a brain attack.
But it's been six and a half years since i posted anything on here, life does get in the way sometimes. To be honest i had other reasons (or worries), mainly my health, but now, 'in my self', i'm feeling a lot better, and safe enough too to be brave about putting something new on here.
That time away i believe, and hope, was just a hiatus or interlude, and i aim to maintain this blog a bit more, to keep it (and me) alive, fingers crossed, and i've decided and hope to write about anything, i mean anything and everything, so not just about Black Metal music, mind that it'll always be in the background, sneaking around, lurking in the shadows, hiding, as i still welcome it's ambient side, ABM.
Anyways yes my brain has been, truthfully, stirred a wee bit, a little damaged, i'm sure the connections are now a little loose, my speech (and how i speck) is not good, i now seem to have a stammer, (it think it’s more like a blockage), even my spelling is poor, they say all of it might be 'aphasia'. Aphasia is a disorder or impairment caused by damage to the parts of the brain that control language. The stroke really has made it hard for me to read, write, and say what i want to or mean to say. This has, on occasion, can be a little awkward. And to add to all this, my eyesight too (which was decent, even 20-20) is now terrible, very poor. It has left my with 'scars', mental ones, named the fact my brain doesn’t work like it once did. So please forgive my writing (or grammar, etc) and maybe my spelling too.
So sure, its been a bit of work over the recent couple of years for me to get back my 'joy', my 'passion' of life, or at least find a level of 'happiness' which i find and accept - granted some of those 'words' you might not really hear from or associate, even identified with
a Black Metal blog so...
...whether it says something about my current mental state that it's music and walking that is 'soothing' my brain, i like the simple feeling - i do like to be outside walking miles, strolling through the countryside, the back roads, even hills and forests can easily mend a bad mood. Sensing the simple rural atmosphere, an aura, although i'm alone it's not one of fear, but its presence, its being there, being aware, and my emotion when i find it, this might be nonsense but i'm from and grew up in the country, granted in a small village, and from the family home the countryside started only a hundred yards away - so really it was the biggest 'backyard' to a young kid.
Now as man on the near side leading to fifty and after twenty five years away, living in cities and big towns, and with still having close family in that village, and after recent events i fell like moving back there, and it'd be a simpler life. So again, i can't stress that those hours just walking in the country, did wonders in helping my recovery, it turned out be a basic but an essential part of the healing process that i needed, a simple guilty pleasure in my recuperating.
It's worth mentioned that night walks is also a joy, the moon light, or even a full moon, full starry skies, but the darkness, the blackness, didn't worry me for i know these roads. And some of my favourite walks are after dark, especially when the moon is full. I like the cover (and the spread of colours) of night time - spreading sliver and crystal and blue lights upon the countryside.
So walking is, to me, like medicine, a poor man's remedy, as walking miles (in all weather) was easy therapy, some pleasurable mental and physical exercise. Being much older now i find (believe) that walking in the countryside has tangible (magical health) benefits. I know that sounds like hippy shite, but a well.......
